Failure

Dear God. .

I'm a failure. .

What do I do now? I failed my dad, my mom, my sister, my brother, my best friend, my mentors, myself, i failed You. I don't know how to get out anymore. I can't find any hope at all. I'll never be okay anymore. I'll never be the person whom you want to be. Now i feel how a sinner feels. I'm a total sinner. God. . If this is your test for me. . please. . please save me. I have no where else to go. No matter how much people help me i don't do anything. . I know you sent those people to talk to me. . I;m sorry God. I don't know what to do anymore. I'm sorry for ruining another person's life because of my selfishness. God. . I don't deserve to live. I'm a liar in every way. I don't deserve anyone close to me. God, my book of life, is it full of red marks?

I don't want to go to school anymore. I don't want to go to church anymore. I don't want to even go home anymore. I just want to live somewhere far where i can't be a burden to anyone. I don't want to talk to my family anymore. . I've given them too much pain and burdens already. God. . I want to erase or cut all my pictures in our photos. I want to disappear. I am nothing but a curse or a burden. I don't deserve a best friend. Can i just stay in a place where there are people who are unaccepted in the society? So there'll be one less person that makes other people's lives worst.

I deserve to be in a hospital bed. When i can't touch anybody's life. I'm over this. I give up God. . I don't know what to do. All hands up. Do whatever You want to do to me. . . I'm a complete sinner. . I'm sorry for being a huge disappointment, failure. I'm sorry. . .

shiriel