Embarrassed?

Dear God,

I want to apologize. I deeply apologize.

Early this afternoon a friend of mine gave me a sweet letter, there she said that i was a blessing & that I was an angel sent from Heaven. You know? Deep within i was like "Ahww... Yeah i know that." This was the second time a classmate called me an angel because of my love for God. I was deeply happy and i had great pride in that. I was like "See that God?"and then i said "Thank you Lord."

I can't believe how full I am of myself. Thinking that good deeds actually make God's love for me bigger. I am not always like this, it's those times into which i give the devil a foothold just because "I'm happy to hear that." before thanking God. I took God's glory and I am ashamed of what I have done.

Not only that! We had a class into which, my teacher asked us to write about our friends, and this girl, the one who called me an angel, told the whole class that i was a very Godly person, who loves God! and you know how i reacted?! I was EMBARRASSED!... I tried to hide my face, i tried to be not embarrassed. Then my classmate added and shouted that i was a pastor's kid! I wanted to hide my face completely... and after a few minutes, i was surprised with my reaction.

Why was i embarrassed?... i don't understand. I should've been proud to hear that, i should've been honored, thankful and happy. But no, i was embarrassed. WHY?! Just because i don't want my classmates to think that I am Godly and therefore I am corny or nerdy? Wow. I never knew how rotten my heart has become lately. I've caused pain to God. I am ashamed. Completely ashamed.

Am I a living testimony? or am I a living stumbling block?

Dear God. I am so sorry. I am ashamed. I couldn't believe how i reacted. I don' even know my heart anymore. Where are you? :(

I'm sorry. I really am.

Please forgive me... and I beg you, please help me understand why I reacted that way. :( How rotten is my heart. I need God to purify it again. I need God.