Emotionally Sick

i dont know what the heck is wrong with me...but for the past few weeks, i've been feeling so down, depressed, and stupidly lonely...

I have no idea why i am like this.. It's as if i want to have a special someone...i know its stupid and why the heck do i want that?....well honestly... i don't know too...

I tried to find my way out of this weird depression, but then i kept on going back to it...for the past few days i've been feeling so happy and hyper, i've returned to my normal self...but why do i always get so depressed and sad when i'm finally alone... i don't know why i'm feeling this, but i really hate this feeling...

I can't seem to understand why i need a special someone right now, when i have so many friends whom i'm so fond of being with, and i ahve my family and ofcourse Jesus.. then why? why am i feeling so damn alone?...i don't know what to do anymore..i dont know what to think, how to act...i don't know myself right now...i need a special someone...but why do i need one?!

By the way...something came up to my mind....its like this...i want a special someone so badly so it means i want a BF or something right?... but then when i imagined that what if i was 18 and there is a guy courting me...how the heck am i going to say 'yes'?...see how weird i am lately?...

I want a special someone..but what does that mean? i dont get it! i don't need a special someone! but why am i looking for one?! this is so stupid! i'm so mad at myself...im so confused.... no one could help me but me... but i have no idea how to hel[p myself...i want to cry in deep sorrow, and just fade away even for just a day... i feel that my body is so weak, so sad and so depressed...

I'm so mad coz i'm getting depressed over something into which i don't know what it is!... I don't need a special someone right now! but why am i craving for it?!....i hate it so much! id ont know what to do...:c for now, behind my smiles there are tears....