17 Oct 09

I will worship lead this Sunday, and well, I haven't really thought about my songs, for i didn't make my line up. It felt different. I felt lighter but different. Somehow, this time I got to focus on God more and believe me. It was a roller coaster; but it was exciting. I lost some of my privileges, I gave the enemy a foothold, i listened to his lies... But am I so glad that the Holy Spirit in me was so strong. He never left me even if I didn't feel Him. I just knew that He was there despite the darkness around me. It took sometime before I got my focus back, but boy am I glad that the focus came back.

I realized that spending the whole day with God isn't as boring as I thought it would be. It was one heck of a day. haha I cried, I laughed, I learned, I got mad, I forgave, I changed. All in one day! It was amazing. I thought spending day with God the whole day would mean 'Perfect' day, nothing wrong would happen just me and God. Just realized now that what I was expecting was heaven's perfection. But anyways, rather than a perfect day, I got a cleaning day. God cleansed me. Now I see what consecration means. I opened my heart to God today, and wow did He make some major cleaning! It was a disaster! but in the end it was all worth it. I cried, I laughed, it's a balance :)

Believe me, it was a funny day. But i think the most important thing I have learned today is... It was just like a normal day, only this time, I seeked God more, and it hurt at some point, but I was redeemed. Despite it all I trusted Him, but the Holy Spirit helped me A LOT. A normal day with God is extraordinary. It's complicated I know. It's hard to explain.

But then again, I don't know why... But i don't feel any pressure, maybe a hint of fear, but not as much as before! and you know what's even surprising?? I'm excited. I can't wait for Sunday! I'm excited with what God would do!

I believe that is the greatest revelation I had all day. Before when I would prepare for worship leading, I was always excited to show the people what songs I chose that would help them, I was excited on worshipping God, I was scared, to the bones. Haha I am getting more complicated here. Anyways. I never thought about being excited of what God would do, yeah maybe the thought passed my thoughts before, but I completely ignored it. It's only now that i felt it's real excitement; the excitement of seeing what God would do.

It's not about the songs I choose, it's what God can do through my songs. It's not about what I would say to the congregation, but about what God would say to the people's hearts through my words. It's not about me standing there in the pulpit, it's about God standing there and me standing beside Him. It's not about what I can offer to God, but what God would bring to us.

Now i think I'm slowly living what ministry is all about... Thank God for that! Ministry isn't about what I do for God, but what God can do through me! It's all about servanthood :) and i believe that is what God has taught me today :)