Pride

God...

I like someone. Guess what? He likes my friend.

I really don’t know what to feel nor how to react. I mean hey I just like this random guy I barely even know! And here comes my friend saying “He asked for my number.” I shouldn’t be affected. But I am. Big time. I tell you, I couldn’t believe she’d say that to me. It was a huge blow, especially that she knows that I like him.

I couldn’t hide the fact that I felt so sad; But the main point here is, this friend of mine, is someone whom I actually clash with. I was like her before and I was trying to help her change to be a better lady. Ends up that she doesn’t need any changes anymore.

Just because I needed some changes, doesn’t really mean that she needs them. I actually thought that I was better than her! Without knowing I was actually looking down on her. I can’t believe how judgmental I was. I can’t believe how proud I am to think that I am higher than her. The guy whom I like likes her, so tell me who’s better now?

It was a huge slap on my face. It was like God saying “How dare you look down on my daughter?” I was so selfish thinking that God loves me better that He loves her. That’s why I became so judgmental. It’s because I think that there are a lot of people out there who doesn’t deserve the love of God. Look who’s talking?? I don’t deserve His love neither…

It brought me into thinking a lot of thinking…

• · What has happened to me? Growing up to be a better or a bitter one?
• · Just because I kept myself pure for the longest time, doesn’t mean I have the authority to show it off! There’s a difference between sharing a testimony and sharing a trophy.
• · What am I doing with my life?! Computer, eat, vanity, depression, me, me, me & me! What on earth is wrong here?!
• · I’m not good with planning. God wants me to plan. I better obey!
• · I don’t have a boyfriend, doesn’t mean I have the right to take advantage of other men’s feelings. I wouldn’t forget this one conversation I had with a friend. “You have to get out there! Flirt a little bit so men would know you.” Sounds like a harmless act eh? Thing is, this is where all those play girls and play boys are born, this is where deceivement of emotions begins. Only did I realize that now.
• · I’m seeing the world in a deeper view now, am I being a light? Or am I actually sinking in?
• · Life is not all about school.
• · Do I really have to bend that effort to be friends with guys? Or should I just change my emotional needs?
• · Is it the time to be quiet, or is this the time to speak out?
• · How am I to love this friend of mine? How?... :(