Little Miracles

Dear God!

I cannot take it! I have to thank you! You do care about the little things! You do, You do! AND! You do accept that i believe in little miracles and pixie dust an fairy tales! hahaha. :D

First! I won't forget that night that I accidentally bumped our door's car on a metal fence! IT was so loud and my father and mother expected that there'd be a scratch or a dent! Both of them got mad but i prayed secretly at the back, "God, i know you could erase that scratch or dent, please! please do!" Then i imagined you erasing it with pixie dust and glitters. AND YOU DID! WAAAH! i can't believe it! When we got home, my dad looked at thee door! and he was like "It's a miracle that it had no dent nor scratch!" and i was like, "I prayed hard!!" WAAHH.. You're so amazing!

THEN Today!!!! I lost my favorite pen! my unipin .05 pen! i was so frustrated that i traced back my path and yet i didn't find it. I got so frustrated that i gave it up and offered it up to you. I mean whoever picked that up, i hope she/he will use it gratefully. I mean I'd rather bless the person who got it. Then on my second to the last period, i saw a classmate who had the same pen! And I was like, "You know, this morning, i last my pen that looked like that :(..." and she was like, "OH! this is yours!" AHHHHHHH!!! GOD! you're amazing! YOu do care! you do care about the little things that MATTER a lot to me! :D God, you do accept the fact that I can be a child at heart at times. YOu do hear my childish whispers! You do accept the fact that i love those pixie dusts, little miracles and fairy tales! God, you've accepted me for who I am :D I feel sooo loved. :) Thank you so so much :) I can't help but smile. It's the little things that matter indeed :) You've brought back my imagination... It's all because of you. :) Life indeed is a sweet place to live in with you :)

❤

God... YOu do care...:) Thank you :)

Enough.

Dear God,

I'm just never good enough.

Shiriel.

Embarrassed?

Dear God,

I want to apologize. I deeply apologize.

Early this afternoon a friend of mine gave me a sweet letter, there she said that i was a blessing & that I was an angel sent from Heaven. You know? Deep within i was like "Ahww... Yeah i know that." This was the second time a classmate called me an angel because of my love for God. I was deeply happy and i had great pride in that. I was like "See that God?"and then i said "Thank you Lord."

I can't believe how full I am of myself. Thinking that good deeds actually make God's love for me bigger. I am not always like this, it's those times into which i give the devil a foothold just because "I'm happy to hear that." before thanking God. I took God's glory and I am ashamed of what I have done.

Not only that! We had a class into which, my teacher asked us to write about our friends, and this girl, the one who called me an angel, told the whole class that i was a very Godly person, who loves God! and you know how i reacted?! I was EMBARRASSED!... I tried to hide my face, i tried to be not embarrassed. Then my classmate added and shouted that i was a pastor's kid! I wanted to hide my face completely... and after a few minutes, i was surprised with my reaction.

Why was i embarrassed?... i don't understand. I should've been proud to hear that, i should've been honored, thankful and happy. But no, i was embarrassed. WHY?! Just because i don't want my classmates to think that I am Godly and therefore I am corny or nerdy? Wow. I never knew how rotten my heart has become lately. I've caused pain to God. I am ashamed. Completely ashamed.

Am I a living testimony? or am I a living stumbling block?

Dear God. I am so sorry. I am ashamed. I couldn't believe how i reacted. I don' even know my heart anymore. Where are you? :(

I'm sorry. I really am.

Please forgive me... and I beg you, please help me understand why I reacted that way. :( How rotten is my heart. I need God to purify it again. I need God.

Hearing

Dear God,

The other day I heard from my dad about a teenage boy who could hear Your voice clearly. :) I was like, "WOAH! Such an amazing gift! Why am I not gifted that way?" and then, my dad added, "..he's the one who's wearing a hearing aid, he can barely hear, so he reads people's mouth."

I was amazed, at the same time i knew you've touched my heart right there. Here is a kid, who can't hear and yet listens to Your word and voice, while I am here, able to hear Your voice and word with no struggle, yet i won't listen.

I keep complaining that I couldn't hear You, but the truth is, i just won't listen; and here comes a teenage boy, determined to hear You even though he couldn't hear. I have misused your blessing to me dear God... I'm sorry. Because of this teenage boy's life, I began to remember how to appreciate the things that I hear. The sweet voices of the birds that wake me up in the morning, the rush of the wind when I am on the shoreline, the music of the raindrops, the sweet flutters of a pigeon's wings, the voices of my loved ones...

I am guilty of ignoring people when I hear them call me, I am guilty of pretending not to hear things that I do hear. God, I am guilty and I apologize greatly. Thank you for this gift, the gift of hearing :)

And another part is that, I guess hearing your voice does require a lot of things, I believe that this teenage boy listens a lot to You :) God, please give me the same submissive heart. I admire this teenage boy's gift God. I really really do. I mean hearing your voice oh so clear? Such a blessing and great gift. :) But i guess, it does carry a heavy responsibility, that is why i salute this young man. :) He will surely be a living testimony, as he is already for me right now.

Pride

God...

I like someone. Guess what? He likes my friend.

I really don’t know what to feel nor how to react. I mean hey I just like this random guy I barely even know! And here comes my friend saying “He asked for my number.” I shouldn’t be affected. But I am. Big time. I tell you, I couldn’t believe she’d say that to me. It was a huge blow, especially that she knows that I like him.

I couldn’t hide the fact that I felt so sad; But the main point here is, this friend of mine, is someone whom I actually clash with. I was like her before and I was trying to help her change to be a better lady. Ends up that she doesn’t need any changes anymore.

Just because I needed some changes, doesn’t really mean that she needs them. I actually thought that I was better than her! Without knowing I was actually looking down on her. I can’t believe how judgmental I was. I can’t believe how proud I am to think that I am higher than her. The guy whom I like likes her, so tell me who’s better now?

It was a huge slap on my face. It was like God saying “How dare you look down on my daughter?” I was so selfish thinking that God loves me better that He loves her. That’s why I became so judgmental. It’s because I think that there are a lot of people out there who doesn’t deserve the love of God. Look who’s talking?? I don’t deserve His love neither…

It brought me into thinking a lot of thinking…

• · What has happened to me? Growing up to be a better or a bitter one?
• · Just because I kept myself pure for the longest time, doesn’t mean I have the authority to show it off! There’s a difference between sharing a testimony and sharing a trophy.
• · What am I doing with my life?! Computer, eat, vanity, depression, me, me, me & me! What on earth is wrong here?!
• · I’m not good with planning. God wants me to plan. I better obey!
• · I don’t have a boyfriend, doesn’t mean I have the right to take advantage of other men’s feelings. I wouldn’t forget this one conversation I had with a friend. “You have to get out there! Flirt a little bit so men would know you.” Sounds like a harmless act eh? Thing is, this is where all those play girls and play boys are born, this is where deceivement of emotions begins. Only did I realize that now.
• · I’m seeing the world in a deeper view now, am I being a light? Or am I actually sinking in?
• · Life is not all about school.
• · Do I really have to bend that effort to be friends with guys? Or should I just change my emotional needs?
• · Is it the time to be quiet, or is this the time to speak out?
• · How am I to love this friend of mine? How?... :(